A year ago, I was so unaware how that joyful season was going to be the last time I would share a Christmas kiss with the man I loved. We kissed our little magical girl on her 6th birthday, two parents who were completely, 100% in it together. A year ago, everything seemed to be ahead of us, doors and windows opened wide and we let abundance fill our lives. A year ago, we planned for a future traveling the world, enjoying our home, family and friends - together. What a difference a year makes. While I really want to sink into the sadness and grief over losing my husband, I have to find that part of me that can move forward with the same joy, energy and expectations for a life of new experiences.
It is in my nature to draw inward when life becomes sad or stressful. I tend to become a bit of a hermit and stay home rather than socialize in times of despair. I am working overtime to change this habit and move into the mainstream of life and find my spot in the sun. I need to change a lot about me to do this, but I'm almost 47 years old and change is not so easy to consider.
I posted something on Facebook last night, the night before the very last time we will see a repetitive date 12-12-12 and it was just my musings about the end of the world as we know it. Joys, regrets and expectations we set upon ourselves:
If today was the last day you would be here on this earth, and the world ended tomorrow... what would you regret? What would you have done differently or better if you knew tomorrow was the end? What relationships would you have healed - or not destroyed in the first place? Who would you have called to say hello, I love you, I need you, I want you - or just stopped by to visit? Where would you have traveled to and with whom? Can you lay your head on your pillow tonight, content that yours was a life well lived? Does your legacy speak for itself? Does the thought of unfinished business leave you anxious and sad? What will you choose if the sun comes up tomorrow and the day is full of life and opportunity? Will your first thoughts be on intention and purpose or apathy and repetitive fear based patterns? I'm curious - will the magic of tomorrow and the unique numerology of the day create a positive shift in mankind? I'm ready for transformation - are you? You have one hour to decide.
I am making changes daily and strive to keep changing and evolving as I move into the second half of my life. I will not allow the sudden and tragic loss of my husband dictate a life of sadness and despair. I will powerfully take a stand for purpose and intention and create amazing experiences so that on my last day, I can look back with a smile and say "Ya done good girl!".
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