A Radical Shift

December 16, 2012

So, here I sit two days after the 6 month anniversary of my husband's sudden and (unexpected??) death from a heart attack and I am thinking about the next 6 months, year and life ahead.  What is it that motivates me to keep going and keep moving in a forward direction when I am constantly being pulled back by the memories of our love and life together.  I am starting to see the world a little more clearly now as the fog and haze is constantly lifting, but I am held still and unmoving with the tethers of my past.  With each passing day, it feels like I am pulling teeth from their sockets and ripping flesh, nerves and tendons that try to hold everything in its place.  I want to move on, but I feel guilty for leaving him behind.  I do not want to let go of my love for him or any of the wonderful memories we shared, but there is something I do have to realize if I am going to be healthy emotionally and physically going forward.  My Ron was not living a healthy life and everything he did was the antithesis of longevity.  He ate what he wanted, sat around and did not have a regular exercise routine.  He indulged himself any time he wanted and made no apologies for his behaviors, just excuses and reasons.  He would say to me as I was working out with my trainer "I love hard work - I could watch it all day!".  He would mumble through bites of a double bacon cheeseburger "I would rather have a shorter life eating cheeseburgers than a long life eating tofu!".  This attitude permeated our relationship and gave me permission to be fat, lazy and indulgent as well.  I allowed myself to be sucked into poor eating, lazy and sedentary life.  I get to suffer with the results today as a 46 yr old woman who is carrying an extra 100+ lbs of weight.  It is not Ron's fault this happened, it is completely mine and I have to own it.  With the owning comes the responsibility to do something about it.

I loved my husband deeply and neither of us were svelte, shapely or athletic looking, we sunk into a life that kept us from becoming individuals in our best health and fitness possible.  Now, he is dead based on those choices and I need to make a different choice for my life if I want to live.  I need to make a radical shift and envision a life of health and fitness that is just as satisfying and fulfilling as a life of indulgence.  Nothing else will create change - only adopting and buying into the new vision.

My challenge, purpose and intention is to create a vision that I can get excited about, buy into 100% and work towards each and every day.  I am going to start with a tool that I know works in any situation where a radical shift in my life needs to take place.  A Vision Board or Dream Map.  To make a vision board or dream map, you take a large sheet of paper or poster board and a pile of magazines.  You start by writing down things like "where do I want to be 6 months from today, 1 year from today, 3 years and 5 years".  This is basically a 5 yr plan.  You then find pictures that align with your vision for yourself in 5 years.  Once you create the vision, you can begin laying the stepping stones for getting there.  If everything you do is in alignment with your ultimate goal, you can't go wrong!  It's pretty cool and I know if one truly wants to create change, then this is the way to do it.  This is how I am going to put my life back on track for fitness, health, business and personal achievements.  My first goal is to release the weight that has been holding me back for years and keeping me from my true potential and to create cardio fitness that will sustain me through my golden years.  I will post a picture of my Dream/Vision map when it is completed!

Now comes the hardest part of weight loss.  Getting started.  It's the holidays - the perfect excuse for indulgence and taking on the "diet starts January 1st" mentality.  I know it is virtually impossible to make a radical shift when everything around is filled with sugar and cream so I am going to give myself permission to enjoy the holidays and the sweetness of the season this year and eliminate the stress of dieting.   I will create my Vision Board/Dream Map before the end of the year then get ready for an incredible journey!