Most of this blog has been about my grief journey and how life has changed and evolved over the last 14 months since my husband, Ron died. While I am still processing my grief and it certainly impacts much of my daily life experiences, it's time to morph this blog to include my original intent. It is time to begin writing about my experience parenting over two generations. I have 7 kids in all. 5 I gave birth to and 2 I helped raise, got through their teens and helped pay for college. I say they count, right? The ages of the kids at this time are 7 yrs - 30 yrs. That is a complete separation of one generation. That is what makes me a "Multi-Generational Mom"!
It is that time of year, back to school. The annual event that leaves kids with a sense of dread and angst and parents jump for joy! Well, that is what the posts on Facebook lead one to believe. I have been sending kids back to school for 25 years now. From that first day my oldest son was scooted off to Kinder I have planned, prepped, shopped and filled out numerous forms and emergency cards. I think I calculated about 500 forms I have had to print neatly and make sure were turned in on time over the last 25 years. Exhausting!
When my older kids went to school, it was simple (so it seemed). You registered your child in the neighborhood school, whichever was closest to your home, bought a few "Pee Chee" folders and off they would go! There was no discussions of dissatisfaction with the "system" or the principal or school board. It was the only choice you had, unless you could afford private school. Back then, private schools were for the socially and financially elite or the religious. Rarely would someone go to a private school because the belief was the education gained was better quality than the local public school campus.
Now, with my youngest daughter it seems the search for the "just right" fit is endless, exhausting and the most tedious process I have had to endure. Helping my kids choose colleges was easier! From her first preschool experience to today, I have toured or researched 30+ schools and explored 10+ home school options. At the tender age of 7, she has already attended 4 different schools! Each time, changing because it was no longer the right place to nurture and encourage her academic, emotional and social needs. To be fair, the first two timed out based on their programs, but 4 schools in 5 years? I would have NEVER in a million years done that with my older kids. In fact, despite a couple moves in our home, I sometimes schlepped them 15 miles each way to keep them stable and in the same school.
Is it possible that schools and education have changed that much or have I evolved as a parent with better intuition and awareness of the time to move on when my child's needs are not being met. What is more important for the child - stability or challenges? What is so different about today's child that there must be that perfect school experience? I think honestly, society has programmed us to believe the school is the place where educational needs must be met and met properly. A child will not prosper in tomorrow's world unless they are tested, evaluated and shaped in a specific way today. I must admit, I am now a product of that propaganda. Not all propaganda is bad of course... It is what it is.
I look around at my peers, who are all parenting for the first time around and are on average 38 yrs old. Most of them spend a great deal of time and tour many schools before placing their child. Often sending their children to different school districts to help meet the needs of each individual child! I remember when I was pregnant, hearing that parents were registering for a special "Mommy & Me" class BEFORE they were pregnant to make sure they got a spot. The fight for the premier educational experience began pre-conception. Parents, parents to be or potential parents were on waiting lists for preschools for YEARS. I thought this was the DUMBEST thing I had ever heard, until I began my search and realized how many options existed. Ultimately, I do think it is mostly a geographic phenomenon as I was now living in the West Valley and when starting my older children in school, I lived in the Inland Empire.
For my daughter, I feel her educational journey is complicated (really this is a complication?) by being tested as gifted. She typically operates at a grade level or more above her age level peers and her analytical/critical thinking is that of a child many years her senior. Public school has already failed her and even private school does not keep her interested. 20 years ago, I would never have questioned the school, I would have just kept her moving forward and up the ladder as her age progressed and hoped for a gifted program at some point. Now, after a year plus at a local private Montessori school, I find once again the environment is not suitable for my daughter. Her academic and social needs are no longer being met and in such a small environment, it is unlikely that will change. I am doing the brain melting job of trying to figure out where she should go next. My options? Two local public school districts, one which is a disaster and the other is nearly impossible to get into. Then there are a few other private schools or homeschool. Since I am a widow and must still work, run a business and maybe have a moment to myself once in a while, the homeschool option while attractive from so many different levels may not be in the best interest of her or I. Selfishly, I would love a few hours to myself each day. On the other hand, just as selfishly - I want to be the one to guide her and educate her, spending quality time watching her grow.
This is where the rubber hits the road. I am angry right now that I must make this decision and go through the evaluations all on my own. I do not have anyone who is invested in her educational journey like I am that can weigh in on the choices. It all falls on me and I am so tired.
Today, it is 14 months since Ron died. His voice is faint. I need to hear his wisdom, his love and his insight. I liked how we co-parented. We were an amazing team. Parenting is different now and while I am experienced in the realm of sending a child off to school, finding the best place for the long haul is a daunting task. I like to think my years of experience and my ability to see the results of my previous choices give me a unique perspective. Ultimately, all I want as a parent is for my daughter to be healthy physically, emotionally and psychologically and have an education she enjoys and can subscribe to with joy. I think that is what all parents want.
I have my second generation education and a decision must be made.
No comments:
Post a Comment