Namaste & The Art of Detachment

June 16, 2014

LET IT GO!

The song heard round the world times a thousand.  Why is it such a catchy tune?  Why is it that every human from the cute little 2 yr old to the stay at home mom to the hardy US Marine is singing this song over and over again?

What about this song touches our Universal subconscious? Is it possible that collectively we have a problem with attachment and desire the ability to just "let it go"?  I know I struggle with attachment on a daily basis.  I am certainly attached when it comes to the loss of my husband.  I am attached when it comes to my children and their daily struggles.  I am attached to the safety and security of my home, finances and relationships. When I am attached, it creates stress, disappointment and fear resulting in overwhelming anxiety.  Going through the grieving process has shown me that creating healthy detachments to elements in my life is the ONLY way to heal and move forward.  I know I am attached to something when I fear its loss or have an expected outcome.  I learned something many years ago, it was called "The Four Immutable Laws of Detachment".  It is a guide, so to speak, on letting go.

The Four Immutable Laws of Detachment

1.  Whenever something happens - is EXACTLY the right time.
2.  Whoever shows up are EXACTLY the right people!
3.  Whatever happens is the ONLY thing that could happen.
4.  When it's over - it's OVER.

I have referred back to these four laws many times in my life, yet death seems to defy all reasoning and sense when it comes to detachment.  How can losing the one you love be the ONLY thing that could happen in your life at that moment?  How can it just be OVER?

Strangely, when someone comes into our lives we say "Ah! the Universe brought this person into my life! Hurray! There is a REASON they are with me!" and we say this with happiness and joy, yet when the purpose or reason has been met and they are gone, we are deflated and empty experiencing despair rather than being full of all the memories, lessons and moments the relationship provided.  This is a prime example of how attachment works in our daily lives and keeps us from fully experiencing all that this life has to offer.  Attachments require us to ride a roller coaster of emotions, the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.  The best way to get off the carnival ride is to create awareness and be mindful of the energy given to relationships.  The mantra I suggest is "I know I am attached when I have expectation".  This is not the same as goals. Goals are different.  Setting goals is healthy and provides a pathway or guide to the journey.  Expectations are an emotional investment to the outcome. 

As a widow, grieving the loss of my husband, letting go of my attachment to an expected life is vital.  I must be open to the possibilities that my future has to offer.  Without remaining open and detaching from my expectations, I will never see the wonderful things that could come my way.  My life isn't over because my husband died, it is just different.  My New Normal.  I am asked all the time if I would ever marry again.  The answer is yes, I am open to the idea of being married again.  I am open to the idea of dating again.  It is extremely scary to think about inviting someone new into my life yet I am ready to accept the possibility.  Now that I am at the 2 year mark, it is incredible how different I view my life, my future and the potential to be happy.  I never imagined 2 years ago that I could recover from the devastation of losing my soulmate.  I never imagined I would smile again.  I am not "healed" or "over" Ron - far from that!  I did survive and for those who have recently lost someone they love, the idea of detachment might not be something you can wrap your head around right now, but at some point you will.  I will always be grateful to Ron for coming into my life, changing me into the woman I am today and recognizing my strengths and supporting me when I was weak.  I will never regret loving this man, even though I only had 12 1/2 years to love him on this earth.  I am strong, I am a survivor - please know you will survive too.  And yes, you too will learn to "Let it Go". 

Namaste