My brother was married today to a wonderful woman whom I admire and adore. I was so happy to be a part of their special day and to partake in the emotional union of two people who have through all the muck and bilge in the world, sifted through the crumbs and found each other.
I paid special attention to this ceremony of love and trust, especially the vows. Each of the words carefully chosen by our cousin, Carl who officiated the ceremony. There were many religious references and credit given to God and Jesus for this pairing. Being of the non-religious sort, I didn't get too caught up in all the Jesus speak, but could appreciate the solemnity of the words my cousin so meticulously and artistically chosen. I loved the bits of laughter, the wiping of tears and the blessings of the rings which would serve as a symbol to the world of their union. As they placed the rings on each other's fingers, you could barely hear the vows spoken to each other in hushed tones sprinkled with so much emotion about loving, honoring and cherishing - until death does part us.
That is where I was shoved into the back of my chair and stopped dead in my tracks. Until death parts us?? Does this mean when I spoke those vows, I was saying that all the love, honor and cherish part just automatically goes away once death has parted us. I don't think so! Who came up with this crap so long ago? Who made the assumption that the vows spoken on the day of joining two lives ends upon death? Is this a contract that becomes null and void once the heart stops beating? Are we no longer held by the constraints of the bonds of marriage because the breath ceases to exist?
I was completely dumbfounded to realize that the vows so often spoken in wedding ceremonies all over the country were a load of hogwash. I did not stop loving Ron when he died. I did not stop cherishing and honoring him because he was buried beneath the earth. I may have loved him a little more because he was gone, my love was actually more concentrated because I had to love enough for both of us. He was not a part of the equation any longer and yet I did not stop loving him.
My thoughts drifted to the life we had expected to live. We had a vision of our older years sitting in the swing he built on the back porch of our home looking over the vast expanse of our backyard with our grandchildren and great grandchildren frolicking about in white batiste clothes. It was such a dreamy vision that gave me a sense of peace and content. My life was supposed to be this fantastic plan but Ron's death turned that plan inside out.
When we took our vows 11+ years ago, how could be have known I would be sitting alone on that porch swing, wistfully trying to recapture the feelings of that special day so long ago, when we became man and wife, in the very same backyard and our love was sealed with a kiss.
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